The Shoulda List

In the 1994 Little Women, Jo March is told she should have been a lawyer, and she says, “I should have been a great many things.”

I think about it a lot when I’m not so sure of what I am, or rather, of what I do. These are super different, by the way, and sometimes I want to remind people of that. Am I a project manager, or am I responsible for project management?

It’s a subtle difference, but the former makes it sound like I was hired for a personality I assure you I do not possess. The latter is something I am learning and have practiced for several years. It’s something I am paid to do. Not something I am.

Like Jo March, I should have been a great many things.

These are some of them.

• a movie actress

• a Broadway actress

• a doctor

• a novelist

• a country singer

• a private chauffeur because according to Sabrina’s father it gives you time to read

• a housewife randomly propositioned by a secret agent to get on a train and give a package to the man in the red hat only to see at least thirty men in red hats, after which I keep the package, thus launching my career as a (semi-assistant) spy*

• financially independent

This list will eventually show up in a book I’m writing about my lifelong relationship with day jobs. It’s not a particularly affectionate relationship. It’s more like the Andy Grammer song, “Wish You Pain,” because jobs break my heart and terrorize my dreams occasionally, but they help me grow or whatever.

In the first draft of the list, I had Queen at the end. I replaced it with financially independent because I’m not saying I’m #teamMarkle, but I have learned from that particular situation that the royal family members are employees of something ominously called the Firm, and at this point in my work history, I’d rather not.

*I’m gonna see if anyone on my facebook page can identify this one.