Water & Sunlight to the Best in You
I’m trying something new when it comes to the things I love and feel certain about in life versus the things I wish to fix.
In Gmorning, Gnight, Lin-Manuel Miranda describes it this way at the end of a morning poem about nourishing the things you wish to grow: “Take time to harvest your strengths and your joys. Water and sunlight to the best in you.”
I am a grateful person. I once ran into a doorway as I walked through it because instead of paying attention to where I walked, I was smiling happily at my boys as they played together. True story.
I have another side, though, and it fixates on the things I wish to fix. It happens a lot with jobs.
If I don’t feel I’m in the perfect job, I think about it constantly. I imagine All The Jobs that could ever be as if thinking about it hard enough will manifest the right job for me.
All my energy goes to this idea of the perfect job if I let it. I think, what job should I look for next? Should I go to school? Is there some kind of training I could get? Is there anything in this wide, working world that even kind of interests me? How do I chase it?
I’ve been doing this for decades, despite the wise words of my friend who once said to me:
“You do know what you want to do, and you’re doing it. You’re a writer.”
My new idea pays better attention to that. The plan is to stop giving so much energy to fixing or figuring out the things that don’t feel perfect (as long as they aren’t actually hurting me), and instead, to throw all energy possible at things I feel certain about. How many minutes per day can I like where I spend my energy? That is the question.
I started a new Instagram feed last year to talk about books I’ve liked. I love books. I love Instagram, and I don’t expect anything out of the activity except delight so that’s a thing that’s working.
When it comes to work, I’m trying to save more than I have in the past. As a visual, I imagine what would happen if I spend only what I have to and the rest goes into a hodgepodge of weekend bags in the trunk of my Getaway Car so that one day I can take the money and run. (The visual is actually framed on my wall, a purchase from posterstore.com.)
I love writing memoir so I’m working on a new one even though it makes no commercial sense to do so.
I used to love blogging, too. I lost the sense that it had much purpose so I let it go for the sake of writing books, which felt more promising, permanent, and significant. With this new “do what you like” plan, I’m going to blog again and see if it fits.
I love journaling, being fully present when my kids are near, finding new ways to like the walls and spaces in our home, eating out, talking with friends, remembering what I’ve survived, listening to my epic movie/showtunes playlist or Taylor Swift (constantly on repeat - I can’t stop!), watching awards shows, and drawing meaningful quotations onto my handmade flip chart and choosing which to see each day.
My new plan is to stuff each moment possible with things I am confident about. My hope is that my days get so crowded with the right things, there will be no room for the rest.